Major League Debut

Matt Chico today makes his long-awaited major league debut. It's about goddamn time. What else did he need to do?

Year	Team	Lg	Age	Org	Level		W	L	ERA	G	GS	CG	SH	GF	SV	IP	H	R	ER	HR	BB	SO	WP	BK	H9	HR9	BB9	K9	WHIP
2002	USC	NCAA	19		NCAA		6	4	5.48	15	13	0	0		0	69.0	81	49	42	11	47	69	8		10.57	1.43	6.13	9.00	1.86
2003	Yakima	Nwest	20	Ari	A-		7	4	3.53	17	13	0	0	0	0	71.1	75	28	28	4	25	71	9	1	9.46	0.50	3.15	8.96	1.40
2004	South Bend	Midw	21	Ari	A		8	5	2.57	14	14	2	1	0	0	87.2	59	26	25	9	27	89	5	0	6.06	0.92	2.77	9.14	0.98
	El Paso	Tex	21	Ari	AA		3	7	5.78	14	12	0	0	0	0	62.1	82	53	40	7	36	59	7	1	11.84	1.01	5.20	8.52	1.89
2005	Lancaster	Calif	22	Ari	A+		7	2	3.76	18	18	0	0	0	0	110.0	101	50	46	13	39	102	4	1	8.26	1.06	3.19	8.35	1.27
	Tennessee	Sou	22	Ari	AA		1	7	5.98	10	10	0	0	0	0	52.2	75	44	35	8	15	35	2	2	12.82	1.37	2.56	5.98	1.71
2006	Lancaster	Calif	23	Ari	A+		3	4	3.75	10	10				0	50.1	48	25	21	5	11	49	4	0	8.58	0.89	1.97	8.76	1.17
	Harrisburg	East	23	Wan	AA		2	0	3.27	4	4				0	22.0	28	9	8	3	8	13	3	1	11.45	1.23	3.27	5.32	1.64
	Tennessee	Sou	23	Ari	AA		7	2	2.22	13	13				0	81.0	62	22	20	6	21	63	8	1	6.89	0.67	2.33	7.00	1.02
Minor League Totals - 4 Season(s)							38	31	3.74	100	94				0	537.1	530	257	223	55	182	481	42	7	8.88	0.92	3.05	8.06	1.33

He was sorta getting bored dominating Double A, major league talent evaluators! And don't even get me started on Triple A. Everyone knows that's for pussies. Today, at 1:05 PM Eastern time (don't forget daylight savings!) Matt Chico faces the Florida Marlins, or as they are known in baseball circles throughout the league, the Florida "Dickweeds who suck at hitting and will have serious problems contending with Matt Chico's phenomenal array of pitches."



Prediction: No hitter. It would probably be more accurate to predict a perfect game, but I think someone cowardly like Miguel Olivo will attempt to get hit by a pitch. And probably only 19 K's. Unfortunately, the weather in the D.C. area is worse than Marlins' manager Fredi Gonzalez's attempt to spell his first name, so Matt Chico's debut may be delayed. I blame this on Marlins center fielder and renowned mystic Alejandro de Aza, as he has been known to summon rains before. However, Matt Chico will likely unleash a spell countering de Aza's attempts to influence the weather. Also, Matt Chico will hit at least two homers, one blindfolded. Good luck getting seats at RFK today, attendance is expected to reach heretofore unseen levels.

Is Jerome Beasley the Matt Chico of the NBDL?!?!?!?!