Wednesday, April 4, 2007

Major League Debut

Matt Chico today makes his long-awaited major league debut. It's about goddamn time. What else did he need to do?


NCAA 645.48151300
069.08149421147698 10.571.436.139.001.86
2003YakimaNwest20AriA- 743.531713000071.17528284257191 9.460.503.158.961.40
2004South BendMidw21AriA 852.571414210087.25926259278950 6.060.922.779.140.98
El PasoTex21AriAA 375.781412000062.18253407365971 11.841.015.208.521.89
2005LancasterCalif22AriA+ 723.7618180000110.01015046133910241
TennesseeSou22AriAA 175.981010000052.27544358153522 12.821.372.565.981.71
2006LancasterCalif23AriA+ 343.751010

050.14825215114940 8.580.891.978.761.17
HarrisburgEast23WanAA 203.2744

022.02898381331 11.451.233.275.321.64
TennesseeSou23AriAA 722.221313

081.06222206216381 6.890.672.337.001.02

Minor League Totals - 4 Season(s)38313.7410094

0537.153025722355182481427 8.880.923.058.061.33

He was sorta getting bored dominating Double A, major league talent evaluators! And don't even get me started on Triple A. Everyone knows that's for pussies. Today, at 1:05 PM Eastern time (don't forget daylight savings!) Matt Chico faces the Florida Marlins, or as they are known in baseball circles throughout the league, the Florida "Dickweeds who suck at hitting and will have serious problems contending with Matt Chico's phenomenal array of pitches."

Prediction: No hitter. It would probably be more accurate to predict a perfect game, but I think someone cowardly like Miguel Olivo will attempt to get hit by a pitch. And probably only 19 K's. Unfortunately, the weather in the D.C. area is worse than Marlins' manager Fredi Gonzalez's attempt to spell his first name, so Matt Chico's debut may be delayed. I blame this on Marlins center fielder and renowned mystic Alejandro de Aza, as he has been known to summon rains before. However, Matt Chico will likely unleash a spell countering de Aza's attempts to influence the weather. Also, Matt Chico will hit at least two homers, one blindfolded. Good luck getting seats at RFK today, attendance is expected to reach heretofore unseen levels.

Is Jerome Beasley the Matt Chico of the NBDL?!?!?!?!

No comments: