Saturday, March 31, 2007

National Sports Media: Matt Chico is the Coolest

AP reporter Howard Fendrich tells us what we already knew: Matt Chico is a fearless warrior, who also brings street cred to the job.

So his trip to the majors really got going after throwing for Rizzo on a makeshift mound outside the California warehouse where Chico began working out at age 10.

"I can honestly say I've never drafted anybody else after throwing in an alley. Usually, we do it on a diamond," Rizzo, now Washington's assistant general manager and vice president of baseball operations, said with a laugh Friday. "This guy has gone some through trials and tribulations. You talk about a 'road not traveled' -- this is a road to the big leagues that hasn't been traveled very much."

Matt Chico is from the streets, bitch! He learned to pitch in alleys while fending off local gangs with the threat of his wicked fastball. USC couldn't handle the fact that Matt Chico keeps it real. Have you ever been to USC? A bunch of preppy rich kids. They couldn't deal with someone as hard as Matt Chico. They only understand book smarts, not street smarts.

If all goes as planned, our boy Matt will be pitching on Wednesday afternoon vs. the Marlins. Be there to see the beginning of the Chico revolution.

Monday, March 26, 2007

Matt Chico Spring Update #2

You may have noticed that Matt Chico got slapped around a little bit in yesterday's Spring Training game against the Braves. But what the press didn't tell you is that Matt Chico was just fucking around. He was actually pitching with his right hand. That's right, Matt Chico is ambidextrous. How fucking awesome is that.

Also, he was instructed by pitching coach Randy St. "Elsewhere" Claire to get into a based loaded jam in the fourth so that Ray King could get the adrenaline pumping like in a regular season game.

imagine the picture quality of this photo was translated into defense, thats how bad dangelo jiminez sucks Plus, he was getting no love from the Nats hitters. Matt Chico needs some run support, and the fact that D'Angelo Jimenez was the only Nat hitting the ball yesterday did not help. Hopefully this does not mean D'Angelo makes the N'Ationals 25 man roster.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


If you didn't catch Matt Chico being interviewed on MASN tonight, you totally missed out. MASN reporter (and Emmy winner) Debbi Taylor was definitely sweating his jock. It must be difficult for women not to when you are such a source of cool like Matt Chico. Here is a recap:

- Matt Chico is an artist when he is not busy throwing baseballs very fast.
- Matt Chico is currently working on a drawing, which Debbi Taylor is not allowed to see until he finishes it. But Debbie is invited to see it afterwards.
- Matt Chico has not bought a place in DC yet. The real estate market will probably be greatly affected by where he moves.

That's right, not only is Matt Chico a world renowed Yo-Yo master, he is also a top notch artist. The question remains: is there anything that Matt Chico cannot do?

Best yo-yoer EVER

Yet one more thing Matt Chico is better than you at. Yo-yoing. It's really an art form.

Matt Chico talking about his overall greatness.

This kid came has come in second 7 years straight to Matt Chico at the Matt Chico Yo-Yo Invitational.

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

3/20 Summary

Matt Chico pitched four excellent innings and went 1-1. The Nationals also signed another starting pitcher today who will eventually be left in Matt Chico's dust: the overwhelmingly shitty Pedro Astacio.

Matt Chico is probably getting wasted right now with really hot sluts.


Logan, CF3000012.200
Jimenez, SS2000102.250
Casto, K, LF2000000.348
Restovich, RF2110010.200
Lee, 1B2010000.350
Belliard, 3B1000100.192
Thurston, 2B2011000.222
Flores, C2010002.467
Chico, P10100001.000
a-Church, PH1000000.171

a-Grounded out for Chico in the 5th.


Through 4...

Chico 4.02002202.70

Go home Marlins, you bore Matt Chico.

Notice to Ricky Nolasco...

You can't even pitch to Matt Chico. He hits any pitch thrown in the stadium... LOOK AT HIS SPRING TRAINING AVERAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Logan, CF2000012.206
Jimenez, SS2000002.250
Casto, K, LF1000000.364
Restovich, RF1000010.167
Lee, 1B1000000.316
Belliard, 3B1000000.192
Thurston, 2B1000000.176
Flores, C1010000.500
Chico, P10100001.000

Hey Marlins...

Suck on Matt Chico's plus fastball and developing curve and change motherfuckers!

Chico 2.02001203.18

Way to beg for a day off you gigantic pussy Mike Jacobs.

Monday, March 19, 2007

While you were busy not being the #4 starter for the Washington Nationals...

PLAYER        W  L  S  ERA   G GS CG SHO    IP   H   R  ER
------ - - - --- - -- -- --- -- - - --

M Chico 1 1 0 3.86 3 2 0 0 9.1 11 4 4

Matt Chico- #47 in your program, #1 in your hearts

Ace Washington Post reporter Barry Svrluga suggests in today's paper what everyone knew forever: Matt Chico is going to be the #4 starter for the Washington Nationals this year, "if things continue to develop the way they are," says manager Manny Acta. Currently slotted into the #4 spot behind John Patterson, Shawn Hill, and Jason Simontacchi, Chico will have to fight off the likes of Jason Bergmann, Levale Speigner, Joel Hanrahan, Tim Redding, and Jerome Williams. I think that's doable. One time, I had a severe case of Levale Speigner after not showering for four days, but penicillin cured that right up! Needless to say, his job appears safe.

Upon hearing this news, the idea for a Matt Chico blog arose. The Matt Chico-sphere is relatively barren, but not anymore!

Matt Chico math: Livan Hernandez- Garrett Mock= Matt Chico

Fantasy nerds, protest the powers that be at Rotoworld: