A lot of people are trying to hate on Matt Chico lately. It is pretty much the same story Matt Chico has been dealing with his whole life, with losers trying to bring him down. Here is a list of people who are now official enemies of the Chicosphere:
A) The Liberal Media - Did you know Keith Law once worked for a team in Canada? Keith Law hates all things American, especially true American hero Matt Chico. Jerry Crasnick has also been ducking TP's questions about Matt Chico during ESPN.COM chats
B) The Nationals offense - They are probably the third or fourth best offense in the International League and refuse to score runs for Matt Chico
C) The Corn Industry - Matt Chico hates High Fructose Corn Syrup. It tastes like film
D) Mother Nature - Matt Chico continued to improve against the Florida Barflins, dominating for 4.1 innings until rain stopped his incredible effort. (Topper Shutt, you were right when you said it's a hard rain gonna fall)
E) The Board of Regents of the University of Southern California - Matt Chico and the rest of the guys from Delta House got put on probation after they passed naked pictures of the Provost around. Also Matt Chico fucked the Dean's wife. They still couldn't derail his awesome pitching amazingness.
F) Manuel Actor - Manuel, Matt Chico has an arm of steel. He does not get hurt. It is bullshit to pull him just because he has been in the clubhouse for 2 hours. Matt Chico stays loose by playing Nintendo Wii (the official video console of the Chicosphere). You stole a win from Matt Chico and now you have an enemy for life.
G) Cody Ross - Fuck you, Cody Ross. Just fuck you.
OTHER BREAKING NEWS
Since John Patterson (#1) and Rich Hill (#2) are hurt, Matt Chico (former #3) is now the Nats #1 starter. We have been predicting this for some time.
Please leave your comments below as to whether you think Matt Chico will win the MVP, Cy Young, Rookie of the Year, Silver Slugger, or all of the above awards this year.
PS. DID YOU NOTICE MATT CHICO IS STILL UNDEFEATED AT RFK STADIUM? DID YOU NOTICE THAT MATT CHICO NOW ACCOUNTS FOR MORE THAN A THIRD OF NATIONALS VICTORIES?? DID YOU???
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2 comments:
Matt Chico: Rookie of the Year, Cy Young, last in Sportsmanship award. He will probably win Comeback Player of the Year as well.
Frankly, the lack of team success will hurt his MVP chances.
Keith Law wins the award for most likely dork to be on the receiving end of a TP knuckle sandwich. No mayo.
I say MVP but not Rookie of the Year, and Silver Slugger but not Cy Young. Why? Because Matt Chico does not win awards the way society thinks a rookie pitcher should win awards.
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