Out of the wreckage of this mediocre franchise comes Jacobi "Jake" Peavy, currently #2 on the official Chicosphere NL Cy Young ballot. Yeah, no big deal, I'm in the BBWAA ,suckaz. (Full disclosure: I frequently parasail with Bill Conlin of mid-90's Sports Reporters fame.)
Jacobi, after completing the sacred rite of bar mitzah, decided he wanted to become a major league baseball pitcher. But young Jacobi, everyone said, you are legally blind! Fear not, brave Jacobi told them, for I am now a man. I have recited the blessings for the Torah reading, read from the Torah five books of Moses and Haftara, and given a d'var Torah.
Determined, he sat down at his typewriter and wrote a letter to Exalted Leader George H.W. Bush. An excerpt:
It is I, Jacobi Peavy! Perchance, I was leafing through a recent newsweekly, and the most curious thought arose in my mind! There are no visually impaired sportsmen in the republic! Might we legislatively amend this state of affairs?
Jacobi Peavy :)
With a single tear streaming down his face, His Excellency George H.W. Bush crafted the Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990. Young Jacobi became a major league pitcher and the steps to the pitcher's mound was replaced by a smooth, gentle incline.
On to the game: Matt Chico wins whilst Jake Peavy throws terrifying fastballs blindly at nice guys like Wook Islets of. Chico's projected line: 9 IP, 23 K, 0 BB, 2 H, another curly W. Look for the Matt Chico Offensive Explosion of 2007® to continue unabated.
TERRIFIC HERO GUY!