Monday, July 2, 2007

AN OPEN LETTER TO SAUL RIVERA

saul rivera, betrayal is thy name.Saul Rivera, you traitorous fiend. You no-good yokel. You charlitan. You fool of fools. You Borica son of a fish.

All you had to do to get Matt Chico in position for a W was to get out the 8, 9 and 1 hitters on the Pittsburgh Pirates, a team that is composed of castoffs from the International League. A month ago, Nate McLouth was slinging hot dogs by the river, and now he's hitting triples off you.

I loathe you, Saul Rivera. I find the application of such a biblical name to such an awful human being to be downright blasphemous. You are my least favorite University of Mobile alumnus. You are a poor man's Kiko Calero.

I read on the Nats website that you are a switch hitter. Seriously. TP said he met you and you were all "Hi, i suck at relief pitching, but i can hit lefties and righties equally shitty."

If you ruin another Matt Chico start, I am going to make an effigy of you. And you know what happens to effigies. (Effigys? No, it's spelled effigies I think.) Or perhaps I will create a pinata with a #52 jersey on it.

Maybe I shouldn't blame you. It's partially ManActor's fault for never letting Matt Chico pitch long enough. But Manuel isn't the one tossing the shitty fastballs and questionable breaking pitches.

I'm watching you, Rivera. Buck up or there is gonna be trouble in the form of more angry blog postings from anonymous internet baseball nerds.

PS. No chance you actually weigh your listed 155 lbs. Fatty.

2 comments:

kungpao said...

I've checked this site four times for the Matt Chico-sphere's take on Chico's game against the Cubs and still nothing! On the 4th of July no less! Think of the headline possibilities! Get with it man.

Andrew said...

Sa-ool is usually pretty solid, but sometimes he's like Rick Vaughn at the beginning of Major League